How do you feel?

Most unemployed people think that while they search for employment, they're trying to get a job. It would sometimes be more accurate to say that a certain job is trying to get them.

Similarly, many employed people think they're currently playing the game (whether they call it "career" or "office politics" or "the corporate game") when, in fact, sometimes it is the game that is playing them.

This doesn't mean a "job" is bad per se, or that office politics is bad, or that a "career" is not a game worth playing. Everything is good in this life, and everything has positive and negative aspects. By focusing on the positive aspects, a person can feel joy and confidence and peace.

At the same time, a person might want to mentally create the future that he or she really, really wants. But to think one's own thoughts, a person must "get out" of the thinking of other people.

There is no right or wrong answer, only the answer that fits you best. Similarly, there is no right or wrong economic option in life: you can be a free agent, or an employee, or an entrepreneur, etc. They're all good economic options, as long as you are where you want to be.

And the way to know whether you are where you want to be, is how you feel. I've met employees who are deliriously happy and they infect others with their enthusiasm. I've also met free agents who find so much joy in their freedom and in their freelance work. I've also met, of course, passionate entrepreneurs who talk about nothing else but their products, their company and their industry!

Another way of putting it is that an amazing life comes to the person who WANTS it, and WANTS it so bad that she cannot stop thinking about it and talking about it and even blogging about it. Everything she does reveal her intense intent of heading toward the life she absolutely, positively WANTS.

Such a person doesn't do what she SHOULD do, because she knows there is no "should" in life. All thoughts of "should" will effectively kill life.

That's because what you think you "should" do, is almost always what somebody else WANTS you to do. Since no two people are alike, what someone else WANTS you to do is rarely what YOU want to do.

The apparent conflict is often obvious in a married couple. (By the way, I heard recently that "people want the security of a marriage without the bondage." I thought this was a strange statement, so I will explore what it means in the next post).

In a marriage, there is often conflict because one person wants something and therefore, the other person feels he or she "should" do it. As a result, the latter person doesn't feel happy.

It's not difficult to see why: she doesn't do what she wants, only what she should. However, if she does what she wants, she will make the other unhappy (or so she thinks).

Here's a metaphor that could offer some clarification.

Imagine that the husband and wife (or boyfriend and girlfriend) are like two pillars supporting a temple.

The purpose and reason for being of a pillar is to support the temple, which is like happiness. If a pillar is not standing straight, then it will fall. Of course, the other pillar (wife or husband) will not allow the pillar to fall, so the first reflex is to support the other pillar BY LEAVING one's own position!

So now, we have TWO pillars supporting one another, and nobody is supporting the temple!

This is when trouble begins: conflict, stress at home, arguments, perhaps even divorce.

What should have happened instead, is that as the first pillar sees (senses) the second pillar fall out of alignment, a conversation should have occurred to "remind" the increasingly misaligned pillar that he or she can align with true self. Only then will the second pillar regain the balance and alignment to feel secure once again.

When that happens, the temple is secure once again.

Women know more about this stuff than men, and this is why women, when they feel misalignment (unhappiness, stress, etc.), they instinctively want to talk. Talking is a way to know how one feels, so that one can feel one's way BACK into alignment and harmony with self.

Men (and I'm the first to admit I'm as guilty as it gets!) often see "talking" as a problem, and want to jump in with their preconceived notion about what the "solution" is. "Honey, I understand what you're saying, why don't you do this or that?" This is when the woman becomes upset at her mate for not being in tune with her feelings.

The man has good intentions, but he thinks in objectivistic terms, when she requires a subjectivistic solution. In other words, there is nothing to "do". She only has to realign with who she is, her true self. Then, everything will be alright.

Of course, there are cases where an "objective" solution is immediately required, but in such cases, both the man and the woman will instinctively know what to do.

For instance, if the wife is bleeding, then the man will jump into action. That would not be the time to sit down and chat!

However, in the majority of cases, events in one's life are subjectively felt, not objectively experienced.

This is why it's so critical to be in touch with one's feeling, and to ask oneself often: "How do I feel about this?" The answer is the path to happiness, and so is the question.