I failed BIG TIME
This blog is about success, but let me share with you a failure story. MY failure story!
I shared this story two days ago with high school students when I was teaching the BMW workshop.
I told them how, in 1995, at age 26, I embarked upon a business venture with two partners -- and completely FAILED.
My partners did graphic design and photography/printing, while I was the VP Marketing.
We had bought the best computers and laser printer, and had printed our own postcards, letterheads, envelopes and business cards. We even rented a large office which was also my appartment, since I lived in a 6-room appartment (I lived in one bedroom and designed the rest of the appartment to look very professional like a design firm).
However, we did not understand what business was all about. So we would have many meetings and we would discuss many things, yet we did not attract many clients. Even the few prospects we attracted were not converted into contracts because we did not have a clear sales methodology.
This total lack of productivity went on for almost a year (talk about self-denial!), and we had no business results to show for all our hard work. Then, I finally decided to quit and went back to school to study management (at McGill University) in 1996.
Since I had dropped out of university twice (from McGill Biology and from Concordia Journalism in 1991 and 1994, respectively), McGill Management refused to let me get into the full-time BCom program (apparently, they accept only one student out of 100 applications). I don't blame them. McGill is known as the "Harvard of Canada."
But I wasn't going to let that stop me. So for one whole year, I worked full-time and took two courses per semester in the evening to prove to them that although I dropped out of school twice, I was now a serious person. I don't know if you've ever worked full-time while taking two management courses in the evening, but I can tell you it was HELL!
So after a year of working full-time and studying part-time as an independent student, I was able to get a GPA of "A" upon completing 7 courses. So when I applied a second time in 1997, they finally let me in and I studied furiously in the BCom program and aced every course until I graduated with Distinction in 1999.
This was my revenge! I was able to prove to myself and the world that I'm back, and I'm ready to compete against the best! This period of my life was quite exciting, so in my upcoming autobiography, I will write a chapter on it. Being a modest person, I decided that the chapter would be titled "Return of the Jedi." :-)
I'm telling you this personal story because I know that many of you will experience failures and setbacks. It's part of life. It's what you do afterwards that counts.
Your failure -- at school, in your career, in love, in business, etc. -- is your UNIQUE opportunity to become a hero or heroine!
Your failing at something is simply Life's way of telling you, "Listen, I tried to get your attention before but you were too busy to listen so I had to use a strong tactic to make you pay attention. But don't worry, you WILL come out as a strong person. You WILL grow through this experience. And many years later, you WILL be glad that you failed, because failure teaches more than success."
In my case, failure forced me to fall to my knees. My entire being was so weak, and I was totally disempowered. Was I angry? Sure! I even blamed everybody but myself.
And it's okay to feel angry, because anger gives you power. It gets you OUT of depression. But you should not stay in that anger. Rather, express your anger, then move on to the next step on the emotional ladder, like feeling frustrated. Then, from frustration, move a bit higher to hope.
Once you get to hope, you're beginning to see the light. Next, move on to contentment, then joy, then empowerment.
This moving up the emotional ladder is done step by step. You CANNOT jump from depression to joy. Impossible.
Rather, move incrementally like this: depression --> anger --> frustration --> hope --> contentment --> joy --> empowerment, etc.
In other words, failure gives you a chance to get to know your true self. It gives you an opportunity to learn about your feelings, and to learn how to manage them.
Often, women will try to repress their anger because somehow, society has conditioned them to think that a "lady should never get angry." That's balooney.
Be angry if you feel like it, because anger is BETTER than depression. Shout at your husband or your boyfriend or your relatives and friends if you have to. Use the "F" word if you have to. It's good to let it all out.
But don't stay in your anger. Use it as a stepping stone to get from depression to frustration, hope, contentment, joy, etc.
If you are a man, please don't consider this emotional intelligence stuff to be the domain of women. I've used it myself and I can tell you that emotional mastery is the true source of power.
If you're a man and you dismiss techniques and methods that will increase your emotional intelligence, you will never know what power is all about. Wealth, social status, excellence, prestige, etc. all depend on your emotional self-mastery.
Emotional mastery means you are able to accurately identify what emotion you are currently feeling, and you are able to skillfully formulate your perception of reality so as to feel a little bit better, until you slowly but surely move UP the emotional ladder as I've shown above.
Ultimately, fear is the bottom of the emotional ladder while faith is at the top. But like I said before, you can't move from fear to faith in one single leap. You have to go through intermediate steps.
Another thing: this is NOT about positive thinking. Oftentimes, "positive thinkers" will ignore reality. They are blind and willingly close their eyes on aspects of reality (especially about themselves) that they do not like or that seem negative.
Emotional mastery means being able to look squarely and directly at negative aspects of your reality, and formulate a positive or hopeful or optimistic interpretation.
For example, being out of a job is negative. But an emotionally skillful person will say that "being unemployed is great because she gets to explore life a little bit more to know what she is truly passionate about."
This reminds me of a marvelous saying I read a few years ago: "Things always turn out best for those who make the best out of how things turn out."
In my case, my character and determination and, to a certain extent, my "manhood" were severely tested during those tough years when I seemed to fail at everything I did. But I never lost faith in myself. I always said to myself, "Peter, if you're failing, it's because there's SOMETHING that you do not know. Just find out what it is and then learn it!"
There's nothing in this life that you cannot be, do or have. You just have to go about it one step at a time and never lose faith in yourself.
I shared this story two days ago with high school students when I was teaching the BMW workshop.
I told them how, in 1995, at age 26, I embarked upon a business venture with two partners -- and completely FAILED.
My partners did graphic design and photography/printing, while I was the VP Marketing.
We had bought the best computers and laser printer, and had printed our own postcards, letterheads, envelopes and business cards. We even rented a large office which was also my appartment, since I lived in a 6-room appartment (I lived in one bedroom and designed the rest of the appartment to look very professional like a design firm).
However, we did not understand what business was all about. So we would have many meetings and we would discuss many things, yet we did not attract many clients. Even the few prospects we attracted were not converted into contracts because we did not have a clear sales methodology.
This total lack of productivity went on for almost a year (talk about self-denial!), and we had no business results to show for all our hard work. Then, I finally decided to quit and went back to school to study management (at McGill University) in 1996.
Since I had dropped out of university twice (from McGill Biology and from Concordia Journalism in 1991 and 1994, respectively), McGill Management refused to let me get into the full-time BCom program (apparently, they accept only one student out of 100 applications). I don't blame them. McGill is known as the "Harvard of Canada."
But I wasn't going to let that stop me. So for one whole year, I worked full-time and took two courses per semester in the evening to prove to them that although I dropped out of school twice, I was now a serious person. I don't know if you've ever worked full-time while taking two management courses in the evening, but I can tell you it was HELL!
So after a year of working full-time and studying part-time as an independent student, I was able to get a GPA of "A" upon completing 7 courses. So when I applied a second time in 1997, they finally let me in and I studied furiously in the BCom program and aced every course until I graduated with Distinction in 1999.
This was my revenge! I was able to prove to myself and the world that I'm back, and I'm ready to compete against the best! This period of my life was quite exciting, so in my upcoming autobiography, I will write a chapter on it. Being a modest person, I decided that the chapter would be titled "Return of the Jedi." :-)
I'm telling you this personal story because I know that many of you will experience failures and setbacks. It's part of life. It's what you do afterwards that counts.
Your failure -- at school, in your career, in love, in business, etc. -- is your UNIQUE opportunity to become a hero or heroine!
Your failing at something is simply Life's way of telling you, "Listen, I tried to get your attention before but you were too busy to listen so I had to use a strong tactic to make you pay attention. But don't worry, you WILL come out as a strong person. You WILL grow through this experience. And many years later, you WILL be glad that you failed, because failure teaches more than success."
In my case, failure forced me to fall to my knees. My entire being was so weak, and I was totally disempowered. Was I angry? Sure! I even blamed everybody but myself.
And it's okay to feel angry, because anger gives you power. It gets you OUT of depression. But you should not stay in that anger. Rather, express your anger, then move on to the next step on the emotional ladder, like feeling frustrated. Then, from frustration, move a bit higher to hope.
Once you get to hope, you're beginning to see the light. Next, move on to contentment, then joy, then empowerment.
This moving up the emotional ladder is done step by step. You CANNOT jump from depression to joy. Impossible.
Rather, move incrementally like this: depression --> anger --> frustration --> hope --> contentment --> joy --> empowerment, etc.
In other words, failure gives you a chance to get to know your true self. It gives you an opportunity to learn about your feelings, and to learn how to manage them.
Often, women will try to repress their anger because somehow, society has conditioned them to think that a "lady should never get angry." That's balooney.
Be angry if you feel like it, because anger is BETTER than depression. Shout at your husband or your boyfriend or your relatives and friends if you have to. Use the "F" word if you have to. It's good to let it all out.
But don't stay in your anger. Use it as a stepping stone to get from depression to frustration, hope, contentment, joy, etc.
If you are a man, please don't consider this emotional intelligence stuff to be the domain of women. I've used it myself and I can tell you that emotional mastery is the true source of power.
If you're a man and you dismiss techniques and methods that will increase your emotional intelligence, you will never know what power is all about. Wealth, social status, excellence, prestige, etc. all depend on your emotional self-mastery.
Emotional mastery means you are able to accurately identify what emotion you are currently feeling, and you are able to skillfully formulate your perception of reality so as to feel a little bit better, until you slowly but surely move UP the emotional ladder as I've shown above.
Ultimately, fear is the bottom of the emotional ladder while faith is at the top. But like I said before, you can't move from fear to faith in one single leap. You have to go through intermediate steps.
Another thing: this is NOT about positive thinking. Oftentimes, "positive thinkers" will ignore reality. They are blind and willingly close their eyes on aspects of reality (especially about themselves) that they do not like or that seem negative.
Emotional mastery means being able to look squarely and directly at negative aspects of your reality, and formulate a positive or hopeful or optimistic interpretation.
For example, being out of a job is negative. But an emotionally skillful person will say that "being unemployed is great because she gets to explore life a little bit more to know what she is truly passionate about."
This reminds me of a marvelous saying I read a few years ago: "Things always turn out best for those who make the best out of how things turn out."
In my case, my character and determination and, to a certain extent, my "manhood" were severely tested during those tough years when I seemed to fail at everything I did. But I never lost faith in myself. I always said to myself, "Peter, if you're failing, it's because there's SOMETHING that you do not know. Just find out what it is and then learn it!"
There's nothing in this life that you cannot be, do or have. You just have to go about it one step at a time and never lose faith in yourself.
posted by Super Peter at 9:05 PM
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