The prize and the winner

There are always two women in a man's life: one to destroy him, the other to give him a second life.

Some men are lucky in that in one fateful woman, they find creative self-destruction. That is, the woman simultaneously destroys him while giving him a second chance at life.

Some readers might wonder what all this has to do with success, yet it is not very hard to imagine how empty success would be if you can't share it with the man or the woman of your life -- your true love.

But how differently do men and women search for true love?

I shared my theory recently with a princess. I submitted that every woman wants to be the prize, whereas every man wants to be the winner.

I don't mean "prize" in the sense of "trophy wife", which is merely about physical beauty, but a breathtaking combination of physical beauty and moral beauty. Such a woman is rare indeed, and the man who sees such a majestic creature would be crazy not to launch a thousand ships to capture her heart.

Sometimes, it doesn't immediately occur to a man that the woman before him is indeed a prize. But when he does indeed realize it, she begins to transform him into a "winner."

For example, in the movie As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson says something deep to Helen Hunt with the sort of crystal clarity that takes her breath away: "You make me want to become a better man."

In other words, "you make me want to become a winner who will deserve the prize (you)."

What's going on from the woman's point of view? Well, it is here that I will bravely go where no man has gone before... I will venture wild guesses, so ladies, please feel free to correct me and thus illuminate my path toward a romantically advantageous understanding of the female psyche!

I think a woman is attracted to a guy who knows exactly what he wants in life -- and preferrably, it's her (!).

(By the way, women often say they want a guy with a sense of humour, but that is highly inaccurate. They want a guy with a sense of comedy. "Humour" means you can appreciate a joke. "Comedy" means you are capable of designing and delivering jokes. Quite different, methinks. Oh, juicy research I came across years ago: the area in a woman's brain responsible for sexual receptivity is close to the area responsible for humour / laughter, and indeed, researchers have found that making a woman laugh will naturally make her more receptive to... well, I'll stop here because this blog is supposed to be family-oriented! Besides, I'm too afraid my Mom will come across this blog!).

Of course, this posting is about love, so I would be remiss if I did not let the French have a word about it.

L'homme court apres la femme jusqu'a ce qu'elle l'attrape.

(A man will chase after a woman until she catches him.)

So it seems that when women play hard to get, it is to serve TWO somewhat noble purposes: the woman can feel like a prize and the man can feel like a winner.

Real-life (or actually bigger-than-life) example: Natalia Vodianova, who later became a top model, played hard to catch and made her future aristocratic husband "chase" after her. Her strategy worked. He later "complained" in Vanity Fair magazine that she made him wait two months before their first kiss.

I guess the success secret here is to know when to act like a prize and when to act like a winner. In other words, don't give yourself up so easily (act like a prize) and don't give up so easily (act like a winner who doesn't give up until he wins).